The Unseemly Proposal
by selenehekate
Summary: "Do you really think a discussion of what is quite possibly the worst proposal ever will be less violent later?" Oneshot. OTP & PD


_The Unseemly Proposal_

It was because she slept in that morning. That was how the whole mess started, wasn't it? For one day out of the entire year, Hermione Granger chose to sleep until ten. For the first time since she was a child, the overachieving Gryffindor decided she deserved a bit of a lie-in, and so she stayed in bed. It wasn't as though she were wasting away a perfectly good work day, either. No, it was Christmas morning. _Where is the harm_, she'd thought the night before, _in sleeping in on Christmas?_

But when she finally woke, it was only to find Severus Snape, her lover of the past two years, gone. Though she was slightly irritated to find that he'd disappeared from her flat, she knew he had to work. He was expected to be at the Hogwarts feast; he couldn't shirk his duties just because it was Christmas. Besides, at twenty-five, Hermione had grown into a strong and independent young woman; she didn't _need_ to wake up beside him. There were plenty of other things she could do with her time, after all.

The first of which was getting out of bed. As Hermione sat up, she arched her back and popped her spine, stretching her neck to the side. There was nothing like a good night's sleep to reinvigorate her. As she slipped her feet over the side of the bed, however, her eyes glimpsed a folded up piece of white parchment on her bedside table.

"Merry Christmas to me. I get a note," she muttered with a roll of her eyes. She reached over and grabbed the parchment - but something felt odd... Why was it so heavy?

Unfolding the page, Hermione's mouth dropped at the sight of a small, gold diamond ring taped to the bottom of the paper. "What the _hell_?" she whispered. Could it be... No. No, that was insane. Quickly, she read. As her eyes skimmed the page, however, they slowly narrowed more and more until she was all but glaring at his words. She reached the bottom of his note and a huff escaped her lips as she sputtered at what he'd written.

"Are... What? He... I'm going to bloody _kill_ that man," she snarled as she grabbed her wand off of the bedside table. With a quick flick of her wrist, Hermione magically donned a pair of black robes and twisted her hair up into a bun. She tugged on a pair of white tennis shoes, grabbed the letter, and marched out of her bedroom. Within seconds she had slammed the front door behind her, and with a loud _crack_ she was gone.

* * *

Minerva's traditional all-school Christmas lunch was well underway, and Severus couldn't help but begrudgingly admit that it was proceeding with ease. Unlike in the years past, this lunch was rather drama-free; no one had set anything on fire, or started a food fight, or broken up with their boyfriend this year. No, all thirteen students and seven teachers present at the lunch were getting along rather famously. It was a nice change from the past years of chaos.

And then the door to the Great Hall flew open with a _bang_.

"Severus Snape!" an enraged Hermione Granger growled from the doorway. "What, in the name of Merlin's _pants_, were you thinking?"

He blinked, uncharacteristically stunned by her sudden appearance. "I... what-" She held up the note he'd left for her that morning, and his heart began to beat violently in his chest. "No-"

But with a glare, she began to read. "'Hermione, I apologize for having to hurry off so early in the morning. Unfortunately, I must be in the castle to supervise the sugar-fueled children as they run amok. I will be back tonight. Will you marry me?'" Hermione let out a short laugh and turned her rage-filled eyes back toward him. "Will you _marry me_? _Will you marry _me_? _Are you mental? Did Nagini's venom addle your brain in addition to your neck?"

Minerva couldn't help but stare at her longtime friend and colleague. "Severus-"

But he ignored her and, with a quick glance towards the others in the room, he spoke. "Hermione, could we perhaps discuss this later-"

"Later? You want to put this off until _later?_ I'm sorry, is my ire too much for you? Are you hoping it'll fade into just disappointment if we discuss this later?" She shook her head in disgust. "Do you really think a discussion of what is quite possibly the worst proposal ever will be less violent _later_? After I've had time to stew and perfect my verbal dueling? Is that really what you want?"

Severus cast a wary eye towards those in the Great Hall gawking at him. "No. But I hardly think this is the time or the place-"

"Oh, so you're concerned about your reputation!" Hermione said, throwing her hands up in the air. Her wild brown curls were starting to escape from the slick bun she had magically secured them into that morning. "Well, Merlin forbid you care more about my feelings than what others think of you. Because that would just make too much sense, now, wouldn't it?"

"That's not what I mean-"

"You know what, Severus? You can take your stupid ring back!" she yelled, as from her pocket she pulled the diamond gold ring he had left for her that morning. With all of her might, she pulled back her arm and threw the ring at him, a small growl escaping from her lips as she did so. "Take the damn ring and get out of my life!"

He flinched as he reached out and caught the ring. "Now hold on, Hermione," Severus said as he took a step forward. His eyes were oddly wide, as though he were panicking; for the first time since this confrontation began, he didn't glance at the students around him as he spoke. "If you don't want to marry me, then that's fine. But there's no reason for you to just leave my life permanently-"

"Except for the fact that you clearly don't care about me. I'm not even worth a proper proposal! Just a note left on my bedside table! What does that say about you? What does that say about _us_?"

He briefly shut his eyes, closing them to her and the surrounding world, before he opened them once more and spoke, his tone unusually calm. "It says that I'm a coward."

Hermione was thrown. She blinked at him, trying to fully process what he said. "I'm sorry?"

"I had planned to propose to you today for a long time, Hermione. I've been planning this for weeks. But then Minerva told me that Sybil couldn't attend the Christmas luncheon and that I needed to be there instead, and I... I panicked. I knew that if I waited until tonight I'd lose my nerve. So I decided I'd do it in the morning but then... then you slept in. And I couldn't bear to wake you. Especially if you were going to say no. I didn't think that I could take it. Not from you."

"So you wrote me a note?" she asked softly.

"So I wrote you a note," he confirmed. "I thought it would be best. That way, if I faced imminent rejection then I didn't have to actually witness it. I didn't think... I didn't suspect that you'd view it as a careless action. That's not how I meant for you to take this. Not at all."

Slowly, she began to walk towards him, her eyes locked on his. "So your nerves got the best of you?"

He swallowed. "They did."

"Then you, Severus Snape," she said as she came to a stop right in front of him. "Are a daft, yellow-bellied fool."

He couldn't resist the small smirk that slipped onto his face at her words. "I am."

"And you owe me, Severus, because this was completely ridiculous, do you understand? This was not acceptable. This was... this was like something a third year would do, not like the actions of someone who _teaches _third years."

"You're right."

"Am I?"

"Indeed," he said. Hesitantly, he reached up and brushed the hair that had fallen loose from her bun back from her face. "I was behaving like a scared child, and for that I am most sorry, Hermione. You... you mean the world to me and you deserve so much better than that."

"I know I do," she said calmly.

His hand slid down her face to cup her cheek. "And, Hermione," he said, his voice growing softer. He held up the ring she had viscously thrown at him moments before, "I would be absolutely honored if you would marry me."

She tilted her head to the side and gave him a small smile. "No."

Instantly, his hand dropped from her face. "I... I see. Well, then, if there's nothing else you wish to discuss-"

"Not yet, Severus," she continued as though she hadn't heard him. "Not until you give me a proper proposal. You're right; I'm worth so much more than a note on an old piece of parchment. I'm not going to settle for less. That's not to say that I require anything extravagant," she amended with a small smile. "I'm well aware that romantic extravagance is outside your area of expertise. But I would like it if you spent more than ten seconds thinking about this, you know. That's not too much to ask."

He cocked an eyebrow. "Twelve seconds, then?"

"If you think that will suffice."

"But will you say yes?" he asked, once more laying his hand gently on her cheek. "Hermione... if you're planning to deny me-"

"Do you really think I'd make such a big deal about you redoing your proposal if I was planning to deny you?" she said with an uneven smile. "Come now, Severus. Use your head."

"I just wanted to be sure," he said as he slowly leaned in and pressed his lips to hers, letting his gentle mouth reaffirm his apology.

"Aw!"

The couple sprang apart as light applause broke out from the students and teachers that had been clustered around them, watching the drama unfold. _I suppose this year is just as dramatic as all of the past Hogwarts Christmases after all,_ Severus mused quietly to himself as he scowled at those around him. "They're never going to let us forget this, are they?" he muttered to Hermione out of the corner of his mouth.

"Probably not," she agreed with a grin. "I'm okay with that, though. I think you deserve to have your stupidity mocked for a bit."

He turned his glare on her, but all she did was laugh and reach up to run her fingers through his hair. He said, "You know, this is partially your fault. If you hadn't slept in, then I would have proposed this morning and none of this would have occurred."

"Oh, but where's the fun in that?" she teased. Then she raised up onto his toes and kissed him on the cheek.

* * *

_This was written for the 2012 Hogwarts Games: Men's Beach Volleyball. This was also written for the OTP Boot Camp Challenge with the prompt "yelling", and the Pairing Diversity Challenge with the prompt "nerves". Please review it and tell me what you think! I'd love some criticism. Thanks!_

_Cheers!_

_-Selene_


End file.
